What drives me

This is one question I get asked fairly regularly and one the recipient couple asked me immediately. There are a few answers to this question so I'll bullet point it all to make it look cool ;)

• We had it easy in terms of conception. At the time for both babies it felt like it was taking forever but realistically, it didn't. Apparently, there is normally a 25% (ish) chance of conception per month and only 65% of couples will have conceived in the first six months*

• I have a couple of friends with fertility issues who have either been through IVF or might have to at some stage in the future. I can't even imagine having to go down that road. 

• Faith. Sounds a bit cheesy but having faith in something much bigger than myself really is a driving force. I believe in Jesus but I know for some its not as simple as that. From that belief it follows on to the old adage (and bible verse- Luke 6:31) of "Do to others as you would like them to do to you." I would hope that if we were in the situation that we needed an egg donor, someone would put up their hands and say 'I will'. This is a huge driving force for me in many aspects of my life. Looking at it from this perspective it seems such an easy decision and in some ways it was. 

Have you ever had the innate urge to do something for someone? Or even just a driving force behind the thought "I have to do that". That's how it feels for me. 

I've been talking to many people about this process lately (I'm such an open book sometimes. It has its good points and bad points) and one of the biggest comments I get is one about generosity. 

Yes, its a generous thing to do. But I just want to make this clear- just because I'm doing this, it doesn't mean I think i'm more generous than anyone else. Everyone has their giftings. This perhaps is just one of my gifts. 

Hope that makes sense :)

xJ

*Fertility associates http://www.fertilityassociates.co.nz/understanding-your-fertility.aspx

Meeting the parents (well, potential parents-to-be)

I barely slept last night I was so nervous. Poor Mr3 picked up on that and for the first time since starting kindy (1 month) he didn't want to go. Of course, 5 mins later it was another story thank God!

It was so lovely having hubby with me- I find its so much easier to do scary things like this when you have the solid backup of someone you love. He had to be there anyway, but I still appreciated it. 

We spoke to the counselor for all of 5 minutes before she brought the couple in. All she asked of hubby was 'Do you consent?' and 'Do you have any questions?'. 
They walked in and we immediately remembered seeing them at the clinic walking past the waiting room. She walks in and said 'Oh I thought it must have been you when we walked past'! I suppose we were the only couple in there with a wriggly child in our lap! 

Their first question was a biggie- Why are you doing this. 
It stumped me at first as I wasn't expecting it. My answer is pretty simple though. 
If I dont then who will? I have written a post 'what drives me' but haven't popped it up yet. 

We talked about various things- they asked about family histories of illnesses etc which I thankfully dont have a lot of and also things like family trends. My family has a long history of being quite musical so they were keen to know about things like that. [My mother plays piano, her mother plays piano, her mother played piano, her mother played piano... and so on!] 

One thing that I keep thinking about is that they wanted to talk about any 'restrictions' I wanted to put on donating. That struck me as strange. I do understand many people prefer to donate within certain boundaries but my logic was always that everyone should be given the opportunity to be parents. I didn't put any restrictions on who I wanted to donate to and so I wouldn't put any restrictions or requests onto the donation itself. [NB. the example the counselor used was 'if X & Y moved to Timbuktu, how would you feel about that?' My response was 'Well if they want to move, its none of my business!] 
Some also want regular updates if a child eventuates from the process- photos, letters etc. Again, if the couple wanted to do that (for closures sake or whatever other reason) I would be open to it, but I certainly wouldn't request that they send me any updates! I personally feel that once the embryo is implanted into her, then its really none of my business.  

Having Mr11months with us was a nice ice breaker too as he grinned, and toddled (he's nearly walking) and generally looked pretty cute while doing naughty things so it was helpful to have him there. We had taken a photo on hubby's phone of our 3 year old in case they were curious and showed that around (tongue poking out. silly!) 

It was a very strange meeting in the sense of being guided to talk about certain topics by the counselor but also feeling quite comfortable with these new people. The nurse had talked about matching people who would normally get along in a social situation and boy, she had got that right. 

We came out of it with a great feeling of peace and purpose. The recipient couple were overwhelmed, but that's understandable. 

So the next step, as I've said before, is weaning and then we go from there. Normally 2-3 months after weaning will be the cycle. 

xJ

Meeting date looming

The title says it all. Today is friday. We are meeting the recipient couple on monday. 

I feel nervous and I dont know what to expect. We will be taking Mr-nearly-1 with us too and I hope that's ok for the couple. I go between thinking it will be nice for them to meet one of our kids and then at the same time not wanting to rub in the fact that they have had such a hard time having a baby. 
Its silly really. 

I'll post once we've had the meeting. I just hope it goes well! 

-J

"Have you finished with your family?"

The above question is what I get asked quite a lot when I talk to friends/family/random strangers I meet on the street (just kidding) about my egg donation journey. 

Its not that I feel 100% finished (NB the clinic does not require that you have completely finished either) but that I am completely at peace with the idea of just having 2 children. 

Right now it would not be possible for us to have another child anyway. Hubby still has 1 more year to go in his degree and we have already had a child in the middle of his study (luckily over the summer break). Out current rental is brilliant and cheap but there just would not be enough room for another child so realistically we would have to move. 

For us to have another child I would also have to be at peace with the idea of having another boy. I know it sounds silly but the thought of having 3 boys scares me a bit. In my heart right now I would love a girl but I would hate to feel any kind of disappointment at the joyous occasion of having a child. 

We have previously talked about perhaps fostering children, but I think that's a conversation for a few years time. 

At this point in my life I dont think I've ever felt happier, despite the lack of sleep and the assertive 3 year old. Kids are pretty amazing and I really hope I can help this couple we have been matched with to realise their dream of having a baby. 

xJ